"Hobo Erotic to the Max"
It has been almost a week since the run in with the large German butcher woman Olga, and Tam and the Princess of Hamtarado are now on their next journey. Yet, no there is an actual destination! Yes! Tam is now the official bodyguard of the Princess and must escort her furry ass to her kingdom to reclaim the thrown before her evil stepsister Hammika takes the thrown. The thing is that Tam doesn’t know any of this and just thinks he’s on a quest to be the most known and respected hobo that the world has ever smelled.
"My what a delicious looking day it is! Don’t you think Hammy?"
"It’s too bright out here, I’m gonna go take a nap in your crotch"
"Umm.. Okay have fun and this time don’t nibble on my man meat"
"I am a princess and can eat any meat that I want. So if I’m hungry I’m gonna take a big old big bite, got it!"
"Ho oh, yes, you eat all you can. It’s like a buffet in my pants. Except this time it’s not owned by a Chinese family."
It was a hot day today and so of course Tam decided to just wear his bright red Speedo that he keeps just for this occasion. It’s just this time the Princess was curled up in the same area of his dried sausage and so it looked like he was hiding a small person in there. Tam felt a little hungry again, since that candy form the little black baby wasn’t really filling, and the fact that he had to run three blocks to get away from the baby’s big old mad mama. A smell filled the air and the scent filled Tam’s nostrils and excited his nose hairs. He skipped after the scent and wondered what it could have been. The smell had an effect on his body and it especially showed in his Speedo. The fact was that he was now popping wood and didn’t notice, but many people on the streets did. Women and many children screamed from the site. They all scattered into the streets and caused car crashes. In the end the streets were filled with the bodies of many white people and their bags filled with jars of Mayo. Since it is a known fact that people of the whiteness do enjoy jars of Mayo. Tam being of this whiteness, but not so much because he was covered in grease and dirt, and so this confused the people and they just assumed he was Mexican. The Mexicans were not gonna have this and just said he was black, and everyone just agreed that it was best thing for everyone.
"Look! Jars of beautiful, delicious Mayo yo yo!"
"Shut up! I’m sleeping!"
A giant chomp came from the red Speedos and Tam screamed like a white girl with a black man in bed. He grabbed his crotch and punched it to stop the pain, but no matter how much he punched his crotch the pain wouldn’t stop. Finally he just decided to slam his man zone into a fire hydrant. That probably did the trick cause he just made a little yelp and fell to the ground unconscious. After many hours later Tam awoke to a slap to his ass. It was though a midget just ran into his ass and fell over. Yet, it was different and his felt the nails of the hand dig into his hairy ass.
"Ohh yeah, that’s it just a little more to the left closer to the crack"
"Boi, you best not be playing with me now?"
"Huh? Why did you stop scratching my ass? You almost hit the spot"
"Uh ugh, ohh honey cracker chips you bet I’m gonna hit the spot"
Tam was tied standing up on a sex rack type of machine and couldn’t see the person behind him, but did hear a few voices that seemed familiar. A large footstep was heard and Tam was swung around. It was none other than that large chocolate seductress Paprika Nae Nae Jackson. Behind her stood Olga and the little Asian Chicken lady.
"Ohhh we gonna have us Dy – No- Mite old time you crusty little cracker piece of crap! Because of you I am homeless and had to steal all my wigs from a Holloween store!"
"My little hobo love man, Olga is here to repay you and that nasty little animal that attacked me in my butcher shop of meat and meat products, so be prepared for some efficient German torture. Also know as sex."
"Hee, Hee, so we meet again Tam of the Stink. I the Asian Chicken Lady a.k.a. Mistress MSG Soy Sauce will make you into a bowl of soup for what you had done to my town of Chinese people a.k.a. Chinatown."
"Huh? Who are you people? I’ve never seen any of you before."
This didn’t go well with the three women at all and the three just looked at each other in amazement that after what Tam had done he didn’t even remember them. Paprika just shoot her finger and her head began to move rapidly back and forth as she got more mad and mad. Out of nowhere her hair caught fire from the friction of her fat moving too fast.
"Sweet black mahogany Jesus! Not again!"
"Little China woman do something! Olga does not know how to deal with black woman on fire"
"Ohhh let me see, I must make a special potion from secret ancient Asian spices to stop the fire"
"Ohhh you all gonna go down with me then!"
Paprika out of fury began to chase the other two women around the room as she was still on fire. All three were now yelling and running in circles around Tam. Olga in a desperate attempt pulled out meat from her chi chi cracks and threw them in Paprika’s face. Mistress MSG did what every Asian person would do and ran up the wall and away from the flaming black woman. The room caught on fire and Tam began to cry and scream. Hammy finally awoke from the commotion to the place on fire. She pulled out her magic locket and with the magic inside of it she raised it to the sky and shouted out the phrase "Ham Hocks Hairy Action! MAKE UP!" a light came from her locket and she floated into the air and ribbons of hair began to surround her. In a flash of light there stood a hamster in a sailor uniform with pigtails. (This all took place in Tam’s Speedo)
"In the name of Hamtarado! I Sailor Ham Hocks will punish you!"
Huh? What? Hoo-Ha? What just happened here? Three devious women have captured Tam and now the room was on fire! What could be done? A mysterious new Sailor Ham Hocks? Who is she and where did she come from? Tam obviously didn’t notice his Speedo glowing. What will be the outcome of this adventure? Will Tam make it out with his eyebrows? Will Paprika, Olga, and MSG get their well-deserved revenge? Or will they die also in the fire? Can anything be done? Well you will have to stay tuned to the next adventures of Hobo- Erotic Adventures in Volume 2! Coming soon or never.
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