Scene 3
Kevin:
Hey Girls!!! You aight?
Shay:
Yeah, we aight, but my hair got all messed up in the chaos! Can you believe it? Ohh yeah that rich white girl got her ass smashed by some large piece of the roof.
Kevin:
HAHA, well it’s not like anyone really even liked her skanky ass.
Shay:
Got that right playa. Like to see her whore it up not with her coochie all over the place.
Lil:
GUYS! We should be getting some help!
Kevin:
Did you see the people on fire running around? Then they tried to drop and roll but all that did was set the grass on fire. Eventually the grass was on fire and other people caught on fire. They all died. That was some funny S***.
Shay:
Oh hell yeah it was! I was like "Oh, why you all gonna even try and run? You gonna get burned like a ho in church anyway!"
Kevin:
Damn, Shay. Your should of brought your camera and take some pictures and win yourself $100,000 on that Bob Saget show.
Shay:
Ohh boy you so right. Wait who is Bob Saget?
Lil:
He was that dad on Full House, and now he has that America’s Funniest Home Videos show. Hold on! We need to help the people now!
Kevin:
Hey, Lil look! That guy on fire is coming right at you!
Lil turns around to see a guy on fire with half his face burned off, and moaning for help.
Lil:
Huh? What? AHHHHHH! AHHHH!! GET AWAY!! GET AWAY!!
Having no idea what to do Lil begins to run around in circles with the half burned guy following her. All while Kevin and Shay watch and laugh.
Kevin:
HAHA! Why don’t you help the guy?
Lil:
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! No! Stop! Ewwww! Why don’t you just die already?
Shay:
Ohh she gonna get her white ass killed now. I’ll have to handle this like only a hot chocolate Nubian princess as I can.
Shay reaches in her purse and begins to look around in it. She finds what she looks for and pulls out her arousal can of hair spray, and takes aim at the body. On contact with the spary the body explodes in a bloody mess.
Lil:
Oh my! You just blew up his flaming ass. YAY!
Shay:
Well, he was gonna go and die anyway.
Kevin:
True. We better hurry and get away from here before more flamers come.
The sky begins to rumble with lightning and thunder. Darkness begins to cover the sky, the dark clouds reveal a huge face laughing and licking its lips.
Scene 4
Large Woman:
I am the Goddess of this world now and so you all shall bend to my delicious will.
Kevin:
Damn, look at that! She is one large husky sized thing.
Shay:
Uh huh look like her ass just ate a planet.
Lil:
We should probably go hide or something before that thing sees us.
Large Woman:
MUHAHAH! I see everything with these beautiful eyes of mine, and it looks as I have found the first three of you!
Kevin:
Uh oh, I think it’s talking about us.
Shay:
She best be knowing who she gonna be speaking to. I am black and ain’t scared of your big old ass.
Lil:
No, No! Shay don’t mention that thing’s big old ass!
Large Woman:
Huh? What was that you little cockroaches? I am a Goddess and of course perfect in every way possible. My voice is so sweet as molasses it makes the ears of people bleed because it is so sexy, and my body has so many curves that you could drive all day on them.
As she raises her hands to cover her mouth as she cackles to herself the fat under her arms begin to jiggle and sway, causing a gust of wind that knock down two buildings. In a sudden burst of laughter the three point to the flapping fat.
Large Woman:
Oh noooo oH noooo! Did you just insult my voluptuous? Don’t you all be hating just cause I like my Jell-O to be jiggling honey. For that insult to my banging body all of you will pay for this! Get them my 5 Flavors of Delight!
A faint song can be heard in the distance and as it gets closer it begins to sound like an ice cream truck. The truck flies towards the three and crashes down on top of the pavement leaving a giant pothole. The small window on the side of the truck slides open and five huge women pops out of the small window as the three stood there amazed. The five large women stand there eating ice cream not noticing the three or even any orders being given. The delicious taste of the ice cream is much too delicious that they cannot function until they have devoured the last big. The five soon finish their ice cream and begin to cry, as now they have no more ice cream. The Large woman now running out of patience snaps her fingers and the ice cream truck explodes throwing the fat girls and ice cream all over the place.
Shay:
Oh oh! I got me a Drumstick!
Kevin:
A Big Pop for me!
Lil:
Hey! This is not the time for…. Oh a fudge pop! My favorite! (she begins to dance and licks the fudge pop in sexy ways)
Scene 5
Large Woman:
Mocha, Chocolate, Vanilla, Mint, Cookies n’ Cream! Kill those three right now and Mama will give you all a trash can full of ice cream!
5 Flavors:
Yes, Mama! We gonna be full tonight! (after eating all the ice cream on the ground and a few dead bodies)
The three see the 5 Flavors waddling towards them and they all let out a scream. They try to make a break for it but the combined girth of the 5 Flavors block their escape.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Welcome to Hobo Lovefest 2005
Hmmm... i'm gonna be needing some help on the final installment of Hobo-Erotic Adventures.
Where will the final instalment in vol. 1 take place?
1. landfill
2. McDonald's
3. Africa
4. Sea World
5. Cardboard box
6. Love shack
7. Arizona
8. under a pool table
9. top of a pool table
10. a black family reunion BBQ
So there are your chocies and soooo take your pick and get your asses out there and vote, but if your gonna vote for Arnold, just don't and cut your fingers off. I'm talking about you SAM! uh huh... you know I know...
::Snap::
::Snap::
I'll then hopefully get to update the story soon. Cause i'm done with my midterms and now have lots of sexy time to myself.
C-ya!
Where will the final instalment in vol. 1 take place?
1. landfill
2. McDonald's
3. Africa
4. Sea World
5. Cardboard box
6. Love shack
7. Arizona
8. under a pool table
9. top of a pool table
10. a black family reunion BBQ
So there are your chocies and soooo take your pick and get your asses out there and vote, but if your gonna vote for Arnold, just don't and cut your fingers off. I'm talking about you SAM! uh huh... you know I know...
::Snap::
::Snap::
I'll then hopefully get to update the story soon. Cause i'm done with my midterms and now have lots of sexy time to myself.
C-ya!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hello again!
sorry for the late updates and post, but i'm just too lazy to be posting all the time. Cause you know how much typing get me out of breath. i'm almost dying right now and weezing form just typing this right now. lol I'm just so larger than life. (no comments please)
Hmmm... I still need to add in the last installment of the Hobo-Erotic Adventures. This will be the final capter in the 1st volume of Tam's adventures, and so he'll be stuck in some prison cell untill I bring him out of it.
So just keep in mind that there will be a new installments! Yes! there wil be an all new original series that I will be writting and posting. It shall be called for now "Thuc Me In Goodnight" or something else if I feel like it. The all brand new series will be following the adventures of a new character and his over sexual zelous friend. The two will hopefully get into some sexy situations and because of that we'll have sexy results.
If you have any suggestions for story line please leave me sexy comments and you might see your ideas in the stories. Of course you will not get any credit for them and any suggestion that I will used will be erased form the comment section.
P.S In Kaleido Star : New Wings, you get a sexy little Chinese girl. Ohh them Asians!
sorry for the late updates and post, but i'm just too lazy to be posting all the time. Cause you know how much typing get me out of breath. i'm almost dying right now and weezing form just typing this right now. lol I'm just so larger than life. (no comments please)
Hmmm... I still need to add in the last installment of the Hobo-Erotic Adventures. This will be the final capter in the 1st volume of Tam's adventures, and so he'll be stuck in some prison cell untill I bring him out of it.
So just keep in mind that there will be a new installments! Yes! there wil be an all new original series that I will be writting and posting. It shall be called for now "Thuc Me In Goodnight" or something else if I feel like it. The all brand new series will be following the adventures of a new character and his over sexual zelous friend. The two will hopefully get into some sexy situations and because of that we'll have sexy results.
If you have any suggestions for story line please leave me sexy comments and you might see your ideas in the stories. Of course you will not get any credit for them and any suggestion that I will used will be erased form the comment section.
P.S In Kaleido Star : New Wings, you get a sexy little Chinese girl. Ohh them Asians!
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Random sexy updates!
Hi again everyone! I'm good and you?
hmm.... this weekend was filled with super ghettoness. This weekend was the Cambodian new year and also the 30th anniversery (can't spell) of the Khmer Rough being taken out of power so it was wierd celebrating the new year with also such a horrible thing that had happened. About 2 million people were killed during that leadership. Anyway I went to two parties this weekend. One was at San Barnadino and another at Pomona on Sun. Both were ghetto like all Cambodians are. Annoying kids all over the place and what I have always feared in becoming... a ghetto Asian, and there were some there. Also on lighter news a bunch of cops, maybe five or six came later on to bust up the gambling, cause we all know that Asian people be liking to gamble.
After that we left to go eat at Seafood Capital Restaurant near Sam Woo's. It was a good dinner except that we didn't order sweet and sour soup!! OMG! no soup! So basically I didn't eat muich because of that and when I don't eat much you know something is wrong. ohh my poor sweet n' sour soup! why?!
Other news:
New Pope, OMG! he be German! I was hoping for a black one like I was hearing about or maybe the Latin American one, cause we know they be the hardcore Catholics. I also remember hearing that after the death of John Paul II and the next pope Armageddon is gonna be coming so you better all start praying now, or just become Buddhist cause you can't go to hell if you don't believe or can you......
Also congrats on KZ for getting to be on the staff at AX this year. He'll be doing the manga library and we all know that is gonna be a lot of work to do. So big ups to you KZ. LOL your gonna be a manga librarian! haha that is sooo sexy! you can wear a suit and put your hair in a bun then take it out and wave your hair all around in slow motion with all the people looking. YOU need to do that! yay! for KZ and his long sexy black sea of an ocean star eleven hair!
Also hi sam! have fun pushing t-shirts and getting slapped by girls in Japanese uniforms! i'll be one of them *wink
Also hi ALLEN! you still have my INUYASHA CD!! i'll take you Love Hina hostage untill then. also i'll be needing 5-14 of Love Hina. The best part is when they made the kisisng machine and Motoko got some sweet, sweet kissing. lol
Good Times! Moving on up!
Also help me come up with a title to the new sexy movie scrip i'm starting to post. do it or die! with unsexy results. how u like them apples? I like Golden Delicious, you?
hmm.... this weekend was filled with super ghettoness. This weekend was the Cambodian new year and also the 30th anniversery (can't spell) of the Khmer Rough being taken out of power so it was wierd celebrating the new year with also such a horrible thing that had happened. About 2 million people were killed during that leadership. Anyway I went to two parties this weekend. One was at San Barnadino and another at Pomona on Sun. Both were ghetto like all Cambodians are. Annoying kids all over the place and what I have always feared in becoming... a ghetto Asian, and there were some there. Also on lighter news a bunch of cops, maybe five or six came later on to bust up the gambling, cause we all know that Asian people be liking to gamble.
After that we left to go eat at Seafood Capital Restaurant near Sam Woo's. It was a good dinner except that we didn't order sweet and sour soup!! OMG! no soup! So basically I didn't eat muich because of that and when I don't eat much you know something is wrong. ohh my poor sweet n' sour soup! why?!
Other news:
New Pope, OMG! he be German! I was hoping for a black one like I was hearing about or maybe the Latin American one, cause we know they be the hardcore Catholics. I also remember hearing that after the death of John Paul II and the next pope Armageddon is gonna be coming so you better all start praying now, or just become Buddhist cause you can't go to hell if you don't believe or can you......
Also congrats on KZ for getting to be on the staff at AX this year. He'll be doing the manga library and we all know that is gonna be a lot of work to do. So big ups to you KZ. LOL your gonna be a manga librarian! haha that is sooo sexy! you can wear a suit and put your hair in a bun then take it out and wave your hair all around in slow motion with all the people looking. YOU need to do that! yay! for KZ and his long sexy black sea of an ocean star eleven hair!
Also hi sam! have fun pushing t-shirts and getting slapped by girls in Japanese uniforms! i'll be one of them *wink
Also hi ALLEN! you still have my INUYASHA CD!! i'll take you Love Hina hostage untill then. also i'll be needing 5-14 of Love Hina. The best part is when they made the kisisng machine and Motoko got some sweet, sweet kissing. lol
Good Times! Moving on up!
Also help me come up with a title to the new sexy movie scrip i'm starting to post. do it or die! with unsexy results. how u like them apples? I like Golden Delicious, you?
Monday, April 18, 2005
It's Only the Beginning!
Scene 1
Many torches running down the sides of a long walkway light a large dark room and the smell of rosemary roasted chicken fills the air. The talking of two huge shadows can be heard and as the camera moves closer their scratchy fat voices can be heard more clearly.
Shadow 1:
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Shadow 2:
Hey! What chu up to now?
Shadow 1:
Nothing much, just ate some old people, babies, chickens, and blew up some buildings you know the usual boring stuff.
Shadow 2:
Awww… sounds like so much fun! Why didn’t you call? Girl…. My ass was
just sitting around and eating hobos off the street, and you know how they are, "Oh.. please don’t eat me… I don’t have anything else but life itself!" Then I’m like " why would your ass even want life if all it’s doing is sitting on the side of a freeway with a cardboard sign asking for handouts?" Then he be like "Damn! that is true, eh eat me then" Ohh.. girl! Hobos they be like the craziest ho’s that have live on the steps of a church.
Shadow 1:
Tru dat sister Mayo Mama.
Large Woman:
Shut the Hell up you dirty fat bitches! I’m here trying to watch my stories. Now get your asses to Earth and hurry up and destroy it, cause mama is hungry and I ain’t gonna be saving you no stir fry midgets if you take too long. We got other bidness in another galaxy. Now git to the go biatches!
Shadow 1&2:
Yes, Our large and delicious Mistress
Scene 2
The scene opens up to a high school next to the ocean and soon zooms in onto one classroom. There a single young blonde girl of the age of sixteen sits in her English class.
Lil:
(To Herself) OMG! This class is so boring especially with that old hag of a woman. Hehe she kinda looks like Cher, but older, more like a troll, and except that her lady berries are sagging and starting to knock against her knees. Hmm…. so not really like Cher I guess. More like something you would find at a shelter and try to set fire to. Ohh Lil you are too much.
The bell rings and the students and the students go into a pushing rage. Kids are knock down and stepped on as they all struggle to get out of the classroom. In all there were two deaths, but they were foreign exchange students so no one really noticed or cared.
Shay:
Hey! Cracker! You glad it’s summer vacation?
Lil:
Ohh sweet wrathful God yes. Now I can get started with my reading. I’ve bought all theses books and haven’t had any time to read them.
Shay:
Yeah, you go read your stanky old book. I gotsa go and get my hair did tomorrow at Big Mama Hair Shack. My weaves be getting all crusty and ghetto, I think they even started to fall out. This is why I don’t take showers! All that water made my hair enhancements moldy and green.
Lil:
Yeah, your hair does look like someone put fried snakes on top of your head and then they exploded in a stinky mess.
Shay:
Bitch! No you didn’t just get your meat on my grill. Uh ugh … best be getting that off my grill cause it ain’t gonna cook on my grill :Snap: :Snap:
Lil:
Girl! Shay Shay! You know that I just play with chu, don’t get your ham hocks in a knot.
Shay:
Aight then, you still my little cracker. Ohh.. we gonna be late meeting Kevin. Lets get on the go go.
The ground then suddenly starts to shake and the gym’s roof explodes right off, sending parts of the roof in all directions. The flaming rubble hits many classrooms and it is assumed that many are injured or killed. A piece of rubble comes flying at Shay, but nearly misses her, but sets her hair on fire. She runs around screaming while Lil just stands there in shock at the fiery scene. Shay finally puts out the hair fire in a toilet, but the toilet was not flushed so she had an extra surprise in her hair. Lets just say that it was not one of her original hair snakes.
Shay:
Oh Damn, Damn, Damn! What the hell was all of that mess?
Lil:
I don’t really know, but we should be helping the injured or something like that, right?
Shay:
F*** that S***! Im’ma get my black ass out of this. Sweet Jesus! What did I do to deserve this? I only pushed that girl down the stairs once. We’ll she did try to take them ear rings I wanted. Yeah, that bitch deserved that push, and I did get a good laugh. Hmmm.. Good Times!
Lil:
Shay! Shut up! We can’t just leave the…. Oh Crap! Is that Kevin?
A young guy comes running waving his arms in the air at the two girls. Kevin is another close friend and the two girls are overwhelmed to see that he was all right.
(More Will Be Posted Later)
Many torches running down the sides of a long walkway light a large dark room and the smell of rosemary roasted chicken fills the air. The talking of two huge shadows can be heard and as the camera moves closer their scratchy fat voices can be heard more clearly.
Shadow 1:
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Shadow 2:
Hey! What chu up to now?
Shadow 1:
Nothing much, just ate some old people, babies, chickens, and blew up some buildings you know the usual boring stuff.
Shadow 2:
Awww… sounds like so much fun! Why didn’t you call? Girl…. My ass was
just sitting around and eating hobos off the street, and you know how they are, "Oh.. please don’t eat me… I don’t have anything else but life itself!" Then I’m like " why would your ass even want life if all it’s doing is sitting on the side of a freeway with a cardboard sign asking for handouts?" Then he be like "Damn! that is true, eh eat me then" Ohh.. girl! Hobos they be like the craziest ho’s that have live on the steps of a church.
Shadow 1:
Tru dat sister Mayo Mama.
Large Woman:
Shut the Hell up you dirty fat bitches! I’m here trying to watch my stories. Now get your asses to Earth and hurry up and destroy it, cause mama is hungry and I ain’t gonna be saving you no stir fry midgets if you take too long. We got other bidness in another galaxy. Now git to the go biatches!
Shadow 1&2:
Yes, Our large and delicious Mistress
Scene 2
The scene opens up to a high school next to the ocean and soon zooms in onto one classroom. There a single young blonde girl of the age of sixteen sits in her English class.
Lil:
(To Herself) OMG! This class is so boring especially with that old hag of a woman. Hehe she kinda looks like Cher, but older, more like a troll, and except that her lady berries are sagging and starting to knock against her knees. Hmm…. so not really like Cher I guess. More like something you would find at a shelter and try to set fire to. Ohh Lil you are too much.
The bell rings and the students and the students go into a pushing rage. Kids are knock down and stepped on as they all struggle to get out of the classroom. In all there were two deaths, but they were foreign exchange students so no one really noticed or cared.
Shay:
Hey! Cracker! You glad it’s summer vacation?
Lil:
Ohh sweet wrathful God yes. Now I can get started with my reading. I’ve bought all theses books and haven’t had any time to read them.
Shay:
Yeah, you go read your stanky old book. I gotsa go and get my hair did tomorrow at Big Mama Hair Shack. My weaves be getting all crusty and ghetto, I think they even started to fall out. This is why I don’t take showers! All that water made my hair enhancements moldy and green.
Lil:
Yeah, your hair does look like someone put fried snakes on top of your head and then they exploded in a stinky mess.
Shay:
Bitch! No you didn’t just get your meat on my grill. Uh ugh … best be getting that off my grill cause it ain’t gonna cook on my grill :Snap: :Snap:
Lil:
Girl! Shay Shay! You know that I just play with chu, don’t get your ham hocks in a knot.
Shay:
Aight then, you still my little cracker. Ohh.. we gonna be late meeting Kevin. Lets get on the go go.
The ground then suddenly starts to shake and the gym’s roof explodes right off, sending parts of the roof in all directions. The flaming rubble hits many classrooms and it is assumed that many are injured or killed. A piece of rubble comes flying at Shay, but nearly misses her, but sets her hair on fire. She runs around screaming while Lil just stands there in shock at the fiery scene. Shay finally puts out the hair fire in a toilet, but the toilet was not flushed so she had an extra surprise in her hair. Lets just say that it was not one of her original hair snakes.
Shay:
Oh Damn, Damn, Damn! What the hell was all of that mess?
Lil:
I don’t really know, but we should be helping the injured or something like that, right?
Shay:
F*** that S***! Im’ma get my black ass out of this. Sweet Jesus! What did I do to deserve this? I only pushed that girl down the stairs once. We’ll she did try to take them ear rings I wanted. Yeah, that bitch deserved that push, and I did get a good laugh. Hmmm.. Good Times!
Lil:
Shay! Shut up! We can’t just leave the…. Oh Crap! Is that Kevin?
A young guy comes running waving his arms in the air at the two girls. Kevin is another close friend and the two girls are overwhelmed to see that he was all right.
(More Will Be Posted Later)
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Hobo-Erotic Adventures Vol.1 Ch.4
"Little Butcher Shop of Horrors"
What makes a hobo? What goes in when making a hobo? Is there a certain mix of ingredients? Spices? Do you just add water? Hmm… probably not. Yet, what we do know is all you need is a can of beans, maybe a cardboard box, and is your one of the high class ones a shopping cart from Le Target. So does this make Tam qualify as a true Ho of a hobo? I guess. He’s stinky, sexy, loving, stupid, crazy, and poor. So he barely makes the stinky cut, but he does and he knows it.
"I will be the most recognized Hobo on the planet!"
Tam laughs to himself as he tucks himself in a dumpster behind an old building named McCracker’s Animal Slaughter Shop Etc. He holds on tightly to his new friend Ham Hocks the hamster. Who would of left such a poor hamster in a cage in such a nice white house? Not Tam! The night before he was happening to watch a family eat dinner and walked out behind the house to get a better view, but something fuzzy and delicious caught his crusty eyes, but only a small brown and white hamster in a cage all alone. Tam being the lover of animals and their taste decided to rescue him. After scaring the family out of the house by chasing them with his shopping cart he rescued the Hamster and now they are lovers, or just friends, you decide.
"Oh Ham Hocks you are my only friend in the whole world"
"Giggles, oh Tam you are my hero in rusty, moldy armor!"
"Huh? What the hell? You can talk?"
"Yes, I am a princess from the world of Hamtarado, and must make it back to save my kingdom from the dirty rats of New York. The towns are at a huge war and we need your help!"
: Snore: Snore:
"What the cat droppings? He fell asleep? I guess we can try this later then."
Tam not having much of an attention span fell asleep before the princess could tell him of her town. She not really caring much either, just crawled under his hat and make a nest from his hair. The next morning came like slap in the crotch. The dumpster lid opened ad there stood a large manatee of a hairy woman about 7 ft tall stood in amazement. The woman fell in love in an instant.
"Oh my! You must be a angel from in front of the gates of Heaven!"
"HUH? What’s going on here? I’m trying to sleep you huge whore!"
": GASP! how can you speak to me like a dirty street whore? I own a butcher shop!"
"Butcher shop? Does that mean you got meat? Juicy bloody meat?"
"HELL yeah, you dirty little piece of German sausage. Mama to be Olga Shapelga Steinerson has so much meat she has to hide it in her woman barn."
"Woman barn?"
Olga just giggles and slaps her danger zone with a wink. Tam at that very moment almost threw up, but he had not eaten since he left that town of little eyed people, so all that came out were sad loud dry heaves. Olga invited Tam to have some fresh meat and excitedly Tam scream like a Japanese schoolgirl. The two walked in the back door and Tam was amazed to see so much meat hanging on the ceiling and covering the floors. The stench of rotten meat filled the small shop and Tam was turned on but the smell of it all. His eyes began to twinkle and he grabbed the large German woman and threw her onto a table covered in meat. Tam sprung on top of the large hairy meat juice covered woman and exclaimed his love to her. Upon hearing this the hamster Princess Ham Hocks was furious that her love slave had now loved another.
"What the biscuits do you think your doing TAM?"
"Huh? Oh hi there Hammy"
"Don’t you Hammy me you dirty smelly whore of a hobo!"
"Um..Tam why can that Hamster talk?"
"Shut your Volkswagen driving sausage loving mouth when a Princess is speaking!"
"Say what? This little bite-sized nugget did not just say I drive a Volkswagen did it?
"You heard me meat whore! Whatcha gonna do? Eat me?"
"Good Idea! Olga needs a snack before she plays "Bumping Uglies" with Tam"
Olga leaped towards the hamster knocking Tam into a pool of meat juice on the floor. Tam never having tasted real meat took out his silly straw and began drinking the vile green liquid. The angry hungry woman pulled out a huge butcher’s knife from her huge cleavage, and launched herself at the poor hamster. Yet, she did not know that Ham Hocks had studied the deadly hamster arts of Dooky Death. Ham Hocks leaped into the air (all in slow motion) lifted her furry ass and shot her dooky pellets at Olga’s face. Olga let out a huge roar and flew back into the hanging carcasses of beef. After taking a bit she came charging at the hamster. Hammy quickly took cover behind Tam, and the impact sent the poor hobo flying threw the roof of the shop. Another large woman walked into the shop and began to speak.
"Helga! What is this mess? Did you rape the beef again?"
"No! I didn’t I swear Yolga. This hobo took advantage of me and then some talking hamster attacked me with it’s s***!"
"Bitch, you need to stop your sex fantasy of hamster and hobos and clean this mess up."
The giant German woman just shook her fat fist at the hole in the roof and vowed to the Gods that’s she will have bite out of Tam’ sausage, and that hamster will be in a bowl of stew in the upcoming Octoberfest.
"This is the only way to travel eh Hammy?"
"Just shut up and kiss me you dirty Hobo you!"
What makes a hobo? What goes in when making a hobo? Is there a certain mix of ingredients? Spices? Do you just add water? Hmm… probably not. Yet, what we do know is all you need is a can of beans, maybe a cardboard box, and is your one of the high class ones a shopping cart from Le Target. So does this make Tam qualify as a true Ho of a hobo? I guess. He’s stinky, sexy, loving, stupid, crazy, and poor. So he barely makes the stinky cut, but he does and he knows it.
"I will be the most recognized Hobo on the planet!"
Tam laughs to himself as he tucks himself in a dumpster behind an old building named McCracker’s Animal Slaughter Shop Etc. He holds on tightly to his new friend Ham Hocks the hamster. Who would of left such a poor hamster in a cage in such a nice white house? Not Tam! The night before he was happening to watch a family eat dinner and walked out behind the house to get a better view, but something fuzzy and delicious caught his crusty eyes, but only a small brown and white hamster in a cage all alone. Tam being the lover of animals and their taste decided to rescue him. After scaring the family out of the house by chasing them with his shopping cart he rescued the Hamster and now they are lovers, or just friends, you decide.
"Oh Ham Hocks you are my only friend in the whole world"
"Giggles, oh Tam you are my hero in rusty, moldy armor!"
"Huh? What the hell? You can talk?"
"Yes, I am a princess from the world of Hamtarado, and must make it back to save my kingdom from the dirty rats of New York. The towns are at a huge war and we need your help!"
: Snore: Snore:
"What the cat droppings? He fell asleep? I guess we can try this later then."
Tam not having much of an attention span fell asleep before the princess could tell him of her town. She not really caring much either, just crawled under his hat and make a nest from his hair. The next morning came like slap in the crotch. The dumpster lid opened ad there stood a large manatee of a hairy woman about 7 ft tall stood in amazement. The woman fell in love in an instant.
"Oh my! You must be a angel from in front of the gates of Heaven!"
"HUH? What’s going on here? I’m trying to sleep you huge whore!"
": GASP! how can you speak to me like a dirty street whore? I own a butcher shop!"
"Butcher shop? Does that mean you got meat? Juicy bloody meat?"
"HELL yeah, you dirty little piece of German sausage. Mama to be Olga Shapelga Steinerson has so much meat she has to hide it in her woman barn."
"Woman barn?"
Olga just giggles and slaps her danger zone with a wink. Tam at that very moment almost threw up, but he had not eaten since he left that town of little eyed people, so all that came out were sad loud dry heaves. Olga invited Tam to have some fresh meat and excitedly Tam scream like a Japanese schoolgirl. The two walked in the back door and Tam was amazed to see so much meat hanging on the ceiling and covering the floors. The stench of rotten meat filled the small shop and Tam was turned on but the smell of it all. His eyes began to twinkle and he grabbed the large German woman and threw her onto a table covered in meat. Tam sprung on top of the large hairy meat juice covered woman and exclaimed his love to her. Upon hearing this the hamster Princess Ham Hocks was furious that her love slave had now loved another.
"What the biscuits do you think your doing TAM?"
"Huh? Oh hi there Hammy"
"Don’t you Hammy me you dirty smelly whore of a hobo!"
"Um..Tam why can that Hamster talk?"
"Shut your Volkswagen driving sausage loving mouth when a Princess is speaking!"
"Say what? This little bite-sized nugget did not just say I drive a Volkswagen did it?
"You heard me meat whore! Whatcha gonna do? Eat me?"
"Good Idea! Olga needs a snack before she plays "Bumping Uglies" with Tam"
Olga leaped towards the hamster knocking Tam into a pool of meat juice on the floor. Tam never having tasted real meat took out his silly straw and began drinking the vile green liquid. The angry hungry woman pulled out a huge butcher’s knife from her huge cleavage, and launched herself at the poor hamster. Yet, she did not know that Ham Hocks had studied the deadly hamster arts of Dooky Death. Ham Hocks leaped into the air (all in slow motion) lifted her furry ass and shot her dooky pellets at Olga’s face. Olga let out a huge roar and flew back into the hanging carcasses of beef. After taking a bit she came charging at the hamster. Hammy quickly took cover behind Tam, and the impact sent the poor hobo flying threw the roof of the shop. Another large woman walked into the shop and began to speak.
"Helga! What is this mess? Did you rape the beef again?"
"No! I didn’t I swear Yolga. This hobo took advantage of me and then some talking hamster attacked me with it’s s***!"
"Bitch, you need to stop your sex fantasy of hamster and hobos and clean this mess up."
The giant German woman just shook her fat fist at the hole in the roof and vowed to the Gods that’s she will have bite out of Tam’ sausage, and that hamster will be in a bowl of stew in the upcoming Octoberfest.
"This is the only way to travel eh Hammy?"
"Just shut up and kiss me you dirty Hobo you!"
Monday, April 11, 2005
Hobo A Gogo
Hello everyone again! how has everyone been? dandy like sour candy? hope so cause sour candy is delicious and I hope that you are also delicious.
Now back to business! It has been some time now that our stinky hero Tam was last seen in the episode where he was apparently trapped in a really bad B-Level kung fu fantasy film. So have no fears! we will hopefully be seeing his ass in another sexy situation, and maybe even with other white people :Gasp: I'll have to be keeping the white people in check in the stories since I don't want them taking over, and so I hope to accomplish this by having many die (many, many) in the up coming adventures . So why don't you all help find the next mass grave site for all the new friends we will be making, and then losing.
Destination:
1. Zoo (lots of animals to play with)
2. Carls Jr.
3. whore house
4. Las Vegas
5. Buthcher shop
New Friends:
1. Cher
2. Courtney Love
3. Large pregnant white woman
4. Hamster
5. dirty old dog (really a dirty little midget)
There we are people! the next chocies that you all have to pick from. Please enjoy them and vote for your picks, but don't enjoy it to too much or i'll have to charging you for taking pleasure in what I am providing with my services, and I am not cheap.
:Wink:
Also I have dug out form the anciet tombs a lost story that I had written a few years back! Yes, folks that is right I have unearthen lost scripts of an ancient tale of love, laughter and large ladies trying to take over the earth. So please stay tuned for updates on that as it will be posted as soon as i'm not lazy.
Now back to business! It has been some time now that our stinky hero Tam was last seen in the episode where he was apparently trapped in a really bad B-Level kung fu fantasy film. So have no fears! we will hopefully be seeing his ass in another sexy situation, and maybe even with other white people :Gasp: I'll have to be keeping the white people in check in the stories since I don't want them taking over, and so I hope to accomplish this by having many die (many, many) in the up coming adventures . So why don't you all help find the next mass grave site for all the new friends we will be making, and then losing.
Destination:
1. Zoo (lots of animals to play with)
2. Carls Jr.
3. whore house
4. Las Vegas
5. Buthcher shop
New Friends:
1. Cher
2. Courtney Love
3. Large pregnant white woman
4. Hamster
5. dirty old dog (really a dirty little midget)
There we are people! the next chocies that you all have to pick from. Please enjoy them and vote for your picks, but don't enjoy it to too much or i'll have to charging you for taking pleasure in what I am providing with my services, and I am not cheap.
:Wink:
Also I have dug out form the anciet tombs a lost story that I had written a few years back! Yes, folks that is right I have unearthen lost scripts of an ancient tale of love, laughter and large ladies trying to take over the earth. So please stay tuned for updates on that as it will be posted as soon as i'm not lazy.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Character Profile: Paprika
Full Name: Paprika Nae Nae Jackson
Nicknames: Coaco Goddess, The Queen, Buckwheat's Mama, Nae Nae, Latoya, Ebony Chocolate Sundae, Mama, Zulu and Bad Mutha...(shut yo mouth!)
Hometown: Atlanta, GA
D.O.B: 12.25.70 (she calls herself a gift from Heaven)
Likes: Dark Chocolate men, just plain dark Chocolate, press on nails, hair extensions, t.v (Oprah)
Dislikes: skinny white men, the po po, things not deep fired, Tax collectors, and the movie Beauty Shop ( say that she was to star in the movie NOT Queen Latifa)
Motto: "If you you can't eat it, then why you gonna be running after it?"
1st Memories: Verbally attacking a little white boy who got in her way while she was chasing the Mexican man with the ice cream cart.
Personality: Paprika is the type of girl that will cut a bitch that gets all up in her grill. Especially a girl that is trying to cook her meat on Paprika's grill. Quick to get mad and will even chaqse you down in her Volvo if she has to, cause she is not a long distant runner or even a short distant runner, she would rather use a motorized wheelchair if she could, and plus she could get the blue handicap parking pass that she had always dreamed of getting when she was still a Chunky Rocky Road flavored girl. Usually hate men since her daddy left her and her mama when she was still 25. So now she only sees men as a love toy and one day hopes that it will actually rain men.
Hair: Her hair is made of the right side being in braids and one side being a large black puff of hair. Usually her hair changes every week so we can;t be sure what it truly looks like or that she really has any at all. (owns the largest wig and extension collection in the west coast)
Clothes: Her favorite clothes are anything that will grab attention and if she is lucky will blind people so she can steal their food off the table. Her favorite outfit is a skin tight leopard print cat suit with 9 inch heels. Once she wore a dead cat as a neck wrap and didn't know it, she was told by some girl that it was a fashion trend, that girl hasn't been found since.
Nicknames: Coaco Goddess, The Queen, Buckwheat's Mama, Nae Nae, Latoya, Ebony Chocolate Sundae, Mama, Zulu and Bad Mutha...(shut yo mouth!)
Hometown: Atlanta, GA
D.O.B: 12.25.70 (she calls herself a gift from Heaven)
Likes: Dark Chocolate men, just plain dark Chocolate, press on nails, hair extensions, t.v (Oprah)
Dislikes: skinny white men, the po po, things not deep fired, Tax collectors, and the movie Beauty Shop ( say that she was to star in the movie NOT Queen Latifa)
Motto: "If you you can't eat it, then why you gonna be running after it?"
1st Memories: Verbally attacking a little white boy who got in her way while she was chasing the Mexican man with the ice cream cart.
Personality: Paprika is the type of girl that will cut a bitch that gets all up in her grill. Especially a girl that is trying to cook her meat on Paprika's grill. Quick to get mad and will even chaqse you down in her Volvo if she has to, cause she is not a long distant runner or even a short distant runner, she would rather use a motorized wheelchair if she could, and plus she could get the blue handicap parking pass that she had always dreamed of getting when she was still a Chunky Rocky Road flavored girl. Usually hate men since her daddy left her and her mama when she was still 25. So now she only sees men as a love toy and one day hopes that it will actually rain men.
Hair: Her hair is made of the right side being in braids and one side being a large black puff of hair. Usually her hair changes every week so we can;t be sure what it truly looks like or that she really has any at all. (owns the largest wig and extension collection in the west coast)
Clothes: Her favorite clothes are anything that will grab attention and if she is lucky will blind people so she can steal their food off the table. Her favorite outfit is a skin tight leopard print cat suit with 9 inch heels. Once she wore a dead cat as a neck wrap and didn't know it, she was told by some girl that it was a fashion trend, that girl hasn't been found since.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Uh...ohhh..
Hey guys! Sorry for the delay in the next installment of the Hobo-Erotic Adventures. I've been too tired and bust this week to update, but I'll get a new one up as soon as I can. I'll just promise that there will be more sexy encounters and consequences.
Hey, Hey, Hey!
C-Ya
Hey, Hey, Hey!
C-Ya
Friday, April 01, 2005
Hobo-Erotic Adventures Vol.1 Ch. 3
"Fortune Cookie Hobo Nookie"
Tam woke up to a sharp jab in the crotch and suddenly shot up to look around, but all he could see was a little Chinese man standing next to him. Apparently that little man had just poked him in the crotch with one very long nail that was growing out of his pinky, and now was using the nail to pick his nose, flicking the nose nuggets that he had found into Tam's eye. The nuggets from the Chinese man were not merely any kind of nuggets but nose nuggets of death and the slow witted Tam had just realized that he was standing next to the long lost Master of The Boogie. Tam let out a huge howl as the nuggets began to dig themselves into Tam's eye. The yells could be heard for miles, but since Tam was white and somehow ended up in Chinatown, and so all the little eyed Chinese people just laugh. In the process they threw black thousand year old eggs, and garbage at Tam's face, eventually covering him in a horrible slimy/ delicious mess. Tam just assumed that the people were giving him gifs of the Orient and began bow rapiddly. Of course beignt the dumb ass smelly hobo (now even more so) he bagan to knock out the Chinese people with his rapid bow of Cracker Fury. The moans of Asian men, women and children could be heard and 4 hours later there was a mass pile of crippled Chinese people. Sandles and rice covered the ground next to badly made cheap toys that stupid white poeple like to come and buy then complain that it broke 2 hours later,thinking that paying 30 cents for was too good of a deal, and it would last forever. A loud gong sound finally put the white bow machine to a stop. A small shrill giggle could be heard and a tiny small old Chinese lady came by on a bike and hit Tam over the head with a chicken corpse. She stood up on the bike seat and began to use the dead chicken as a weapon and somehow got it to shoot out eggs. Tam jumped for cheer and began to catch the eggs in his shopping cart.
Nugget Master: "Our long lost ancient secrets do not work on this Cracker devil of the west!"
Chicken lady: " How can this be?! he just catches the eggs and eats them raw! we must put a stop to him!"
Tam: "Wow! everyone in this smalled eyed town is soo nice! I have enough food to last me months. I even got black and white eggs"
Nugget Master: " He is like a dirty devil that eats everything! he probably even eats the cheese off the burger wrapper!"
Chicken Lady: "Shut your dirty mouth! no one is that poor or disgraceful! Lets end this now, Soy Sauce style"
Tam: "That chicken she's holding would make a great love toy..."
The Chicken Lady's face was in shock and horror after hearing that her beloved pet chicken Mr. Peepers would ever be considered that way. The lady screamed and did 45 backflips up the wall of the butcher building and landed at the top. She laughed and smacked her 87 year old ass and transfomed with the power of Mr. Peepers, changing into a giant roasted duck. The transformed old woman in the shape of food caught Tam's eye (still filled w/ nuggets) and he started to drool. The drool began to pool up and eventually became a pile of disguisting yellow lake of bubbling death and you could even see bones of long lost babies he had eaten in the drool. The old lady could now not stop after seeing the death lake and she screamed and prayed to Buddha. Suddenly the clouds open and a face appeared. A giant black face came out of the clouds and he started to speak.
Black Jesus: "Bitch, Buddha is on vaction and I be here tonight, and I ain't savin' no chicken ass China lady aight?"
Chicken Lady: "What the hell? I want me some Buddha!"
BJ: "i'll give you some Buddha, ho.."
Chicken Lady: "NOOOOOO... Sweet n Sour Buddha nOooooO...!!"
The black Jesus turned her into an extra crispy fried chicken and Nugget Master into a delicious golden biscut and began to eat the two. The moans of pleasure and satisfaction BJ got could be heard all the way in Africa, and with a loud burp he sent Tam flying across the sky, drool and all. Tam was just sad and dissapointed that the black Jesus didn't share the food with him, and wondered if he should become a Buddhist, cause you know Buddha would of share some of that chicken with him. Greedy black Jesus with his chicken and his waffles sat back on his leather toilet seat and turned back the channel to BET.
Tam woke up to a sharp jab in the crotch and suddenly shot up to look around, but all he could see was a little Chinese man standing next to him. Apparently that little man had just poked him in the crotch with one very long nail that was growing out of his pinky, and now was using the nail to pick his nose, flicking the nose nuggets that he had found into Tam's eye. The nuggets from the Chinese man were not merely any kind of nuggets but nose nuggets of death and the slow witted Tam had just realized that he was standing next to the long lost Master of The Boogie. Tam let out a huge howl as the nuggets began to dig themselves into Tam's eye. The yells could be heard for miles, but since Tam was white and somehow ended up in Chinatown, and so all the little eyed Chinese people just laugh. In the process they threw black thousand year old eggs, and garbage at Tam's face, eventually covering him in a horrible slimy/ delicious mess. Tam just assumed that the people were giving him gifs of the Orient and began bow rapiddly. Of course beignt the dumb ass smelly hobo (now even more so) he bagan to knock out the Chinese people with his rapid bow of Cracker Fury. The moans of Asian men, women and children could be heard and 4 hours later there was a mass pile of crippled Chinese people. Sandles and rice covered the ground next to badly made cheap toys that stupid white poeple like to come and buy then complain that it broke 2 hours later,thinking that paying 30 cents for was too good of a deal, and it would last forever. A loud gong sound finally put the white bow machine to a stop. A small shrill giggle could be heard and a tiny small old Chinese lady came by on a bike and hit Tam over the head with a chicken corpse. She stood up on the bike seat and began to use the dead chicken as a weapon and somehow got it to shoot out eggs. Tam jumped for cheer and began to catch the eggs in his shopping cart.
Nugget Master: "Our long lost ancient secrets do not work on this Cracker devil of the west!"
Chicken lady: " How can this be?! he just catches the eggs and eats them raw! we must put a stop to him!"
Tam: "Wow! everyone in this smalled eyed town is soo nice! I have enough food to last me months. I even got black and white eggs"
Nugget Master: " He is like a dirty devil that eats everything! he probably even eats the cheese off the burger wrapper!"
Chicken Lady: "Shut your dirty mouth! no one is that poor or disgraceful! Lets end this now, Soy Sauce style"
Tam: "That chicken she's holding would make a great love toy..."
The Chicken Lady's face was in shock and horror after hearing that her beloved pet chicken Mr. Peepers would ever be considered that way. The lady screamed and did 45 backflips up the wall of the butcher building and landed at the top. She laughed and smacked her 87 year old ass and transfomed with the power of Mr. Peepers, changing into a giant roasted duck. The transformed old woman in the shape of food caught Tam's eye (still filled w/ nuggets) and he started to drool. The drool began to pool up and eventually became a pile of disguisting yellow lake of bubbling death and you could even see bones of long lost babies he had eaten in the drool. The old lady could now not stop after seeing the death lake and she screamed and prayed to Buddha. Suddenly the clouds open and a face appeared. A giant black face came out of the clouds and he started to speak.
Black Jesus: "Bitch, Buddha is on vaction and I be here tonight, and I ain't savin' no chicken ass China lady aight?"
Chicken Lady: "What the hell? I want me some Buddha!"
BJ: "i'll give you some Buddha, ho.."
Chicken Lady: "NOOOOOO... Sweet n Sour Buddha nOooooO...!!"
The black Jesus turned her into an extra crispy fried chicken and Nugget Master into a delicious golden biscut and began to eat the two. The moans of pleasure and satisfaction BJ got could be heard all the way in Africa, and with a loud burp he sent Tam flying across the sky, drool and all. Tam was just sad and dissapointed that the black Jesus didn't share the food with him, and wondered if he should become a Buddhist, cause you know Buddha would of share some of that chicken with him. Greedy black Jesus with his chicken and his waffles sat back on his leather toilet seat and turned back the channel to BET.
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